Everything is a metaphor if you’re bored enough

Autocorrect is the ultimate backseat driver

Celery is somewhere crying in a corner

My cat is going to explode

“Get in, loser, we’re going to the vet”

And people say nerds don’t know how to party

You can’t pause it, and you can’t leave

That’s the face of twenty broken spirits

Don’t call me unless you are a nightmare

Marriage is great if you actually like them

He looks so proud of his stolen groceries

Baking cookies on the dashboard is a lifestyle

“You want to borrow what? Put it back”

If he buys a ticket, you cancel

We don’t speak English, we guess English

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