The only acceptable reason to answer a phone

When the lava lamp takes over your brain

My lower back cannot handle this

I am using my foot anyway…

I guess we live in a castle

Boil ’em, mash ’em, rent ’em

History books need to update the wonder list

my cat’s daily motivation poster

Finally, an explanation that makes sense

a very rare, blubbery succulent

text message is arriving in 4K

looking for his lost ring

My favorite sleep position is “blinking too long”

Imagine trying to wrestle a wild prosciutto

My social battery requires literal photosynthesis now

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