“Sorry I’m late, I was being held hostage”

My phone has more emotional mood swings than I do

Fighting for my life against 100% brightness

“Welcome to Hawaii, now close the window blinds”

I woke up and missed the entire Renaissance

When the red flags are literally giant fangs

inspirational speaker for what not to do

The big light makes everything look like hospital

My ideal romance smells like a drive-thru

The floor is lava

I wonder if she has a loyalty program

I knew she was hiding something

main special ability is hiding from responsibilities

The high council demands an offering of worms

Put that on Wikipedia

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