Teach your children well.

Teach your children well.

Married life.

Luigi’s Mansion Pumpkin art

Luigi’s Mansion Pumpkin art

His cheeto residue got all over my pants and that’s how I became the next Monica Lewinsky

His cheeto residue got all over my pants and that’s how I became the next Monica Lewinsky

A wholesome experience meeting JAY Z

A wholesome experience meeting JAY Z

I could read here.

I could read here.

I don’t believe you.

I don’t believe you.

This is why you never corner a raccoon…. unless you have a popsicle.

This is why you never corner a raccoon…. unless you have a popsicle.

I don’t know what to feel about this.

I don’t know what to feel about this.

Apparently putting googly eyes on my parents portrait of Jesus is "not funny" and "blasphemous"

Apparently putting googly eyes on my parents portrait of Jesus is "not funny" and "blasphemous"

Oh… yeah that makes more sense.

Oh… yeah that makes more sense.

The Duchess of Northumberlands poison garden.

The Duchess of Northumberlands poison garden.

Butter knife had the best music video of all time…

Butter knife had the best music video of all time…

I really missed out on the great Hogwarts food fight of ’07

I really missed out on the great Hogwarts food fight of ’07

Pregnancy tests are hard.

Pregnancy tests are hard.

Sorry, bro…