Why change perfection?

Imagine trying to wrestle a wild prosciutto

future wedding vows will include pancakes

apologize to him immediately

Every bite you take, I’ll be watching you…

from “no banana” to “proud mama”

He’s about to download a whole pallet

Me looking for my phone while holding it

When the lava lamp takes over your brain

Slapping your own arm every two minutes

My phone ringtone is a complete mystery

Game of Thrones

I am a solid ten for exactly four minutes

This dish demands absolute, immediate respect

Who allowed me to be the adult?

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