new job opportunity – unfortunately it lacks upward mobility

the real reason millennials aren’t buying diamonds. Has nothing to do with ethics or morals

i have such fond memories of funnel milk

taking a break from pickpocketing to warm my bones with a hot drink

no serial killer, ted bundy included, could match wits with me if i really applied by myself instead of binging on oreos

toast and butter is an everyday phase

how to beat someone at chess when you’ve never played before

this is how many sides a circle has

jesus was larger than a baby but smaller than a temple. good to know!

It all sounds awful until you remember that statistically flying is still the safest form of travel

Best responses to tweet about “mystery flight”

even einstein’s marriage was relative. It consumed his life

you’re not fooling anyone nasa!

who pooped the bed? sounds like an it’s always sunny in philadelphia episode

there is no way the ice cream man didn’t see this person

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