Give this man a PhD in parking law

“Imagine only having two legs, truly tragic”

apologize to him immediately

A beautiful circle of absolute trust issues

Woke up a one, currently at a three

One more birthday and she can’t use doors

She’s already cooler than everyone in middle school

One more cup and Vienna is next

The dark side has a very strict manager

I don’t even have patience to boil water

My last two brain cells trying to flirt

When does the “full adult” setting kick in?

future wedding vows will include pancakes

waiting for entropy to do its thing

Me looking for my phone while holding it

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