schrodinger’s baby

genius. dishonest, but genius

nothing is more romantic than getting on one knee while the waiter brings you more breadsticks

now your kids can suffer just like you!

right swipe

the name’s mittens, murder mittens

he’s better at drawing then i’ll ever be

they really hate the moon

life hack

a good place to sit

chucks forever

once you see it, you can’t unsee it

the hard part about divorce no one warns you about

try saying that five times fast!

he’s lived through every injury

men, do you accept the challenge?