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I am proud to be an American 🇺🇸 🍕

I am proud to be an American 🇺🇸 🍕
There’s always time for tea.
There’s always time for tea.
As a veteran recently out of the military.
As a veteran recently out of the military.
Which came first?
Which came first?
Dance! DANCE!
Dance! DANCE!
I’m a virgin by choice.
I’m a virgin by choice.
A little Mitch Hedberg.
A little Mitch Hedberg.
Your knight in shining armor…
Your knight in shining armor…
Golden retriever for sale.
Golden retriever for sale.
Busted!
Busted!
What could possibly go wrong?
What could possibly go wrong?
This clock would drive me insane…
This clock would drive me insane…
Bangstaches.
Bangstaches.
An apple a day…
An apple a day…
My schedule now that I have a full time job.
My schedule now that I have a full time job.
Trading old for new in Africa.
Trading old for new in Africa.
Listen+here%2C+Dick%26%238230%3B
Listen here, Dick…
%2Acringes+in+Mitt+Romney%2A
*cringes in Mitt Romney*
You+have+no+pasta+here%26%238230%3B
You have no pasta here…
I+CHOOSE+YOUUUU
I CHOOSE YOUUUU
Join the conversation
grans+always+knew%26%238230%3B
grans always knew…
Release+the+loot%21
Release the loot!
I+can%26%238217%3Bt+interpret+this+beyond+a+desire+for+more+malk%26%238230%3B
I can’t interpret this beyond a desire for more malk…
I+would+watch+lame+movies+with+him%26%238230%3B
I would watch lame movies with him…
When%26%238217%3Bs+my+fitting%3F
When’s my fitting?
That+Stephan+even+has+an+audience+explains+a+lot%2C+actually.
That Stephan even has an audience explains a lot, actually.
Pet+the+world.
Pet the world.
Periods%2C+right%3F++%26%238230%3Bcan+I+get+an+amen%3F
Periods, right? …can I get an amen?