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when life gives you onions…
264 AWESOME
19 WTW
23 BORING
i was without a phone once for 12 hours and it’s amazing how much attention i was able to pay to other things
how to beat someone at chess when you’ve never played before
you know that you know you’ve seen that actor before
This is really the only acceptable way to watch four hour movies
no serial killer, ted bundy included, could match wits with me if i really applied by myself instead of binging on oreos
jesus was larger than a baby but smaller than a temple. good to know!
Best responses to tweet about “mystery flight”
who pooped the bed? sounds like an it’s always sunny in philadelphia episode
even einstein’s marriage was relative. It consumed his life
there is no way the ice cream man didn’t see this person
It all sounds awful until you remember that statistically flying is still the safest form of travel
you’re not fooling anyone nasa!
taking a break from pickpocketing to warm my bones with a hot drink
i have such fond memories of funnel milk
this is how many sides a circle has
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the inspiration for chip ‘n dale
which wins, flex seal or spike strips?
if you haven’t already, one day you will
smol cat holding toe beans
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the power of monopoly
the best feeling!
roomba on the run!
make sure she can hear you
rice fixes everything
3 minutes after clipping fingernails
coping mechanism police
i’ve made a terrible mistake
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