Shhhh, he's coming

how to beat someone at chess when you’ve never played before

no serial killer, ted bundy included, could match wits with me if i really applied by myself instead of binging on oreos

you’re not fooling anyone nasa!

you cicada be kidding me!

who pooped the bed? sounds like an it’s always sunny in philadelphia episode

i have such fond memories of funnel milk

the real reason millennials aren’t buying diamonds. Has nothing to do with ethics or morals

you know that you know you’ve seen that actor before

new job opportunity – unfortunately it lacks upward mobility

there is no way the ice cream man didn’t see this person

toast and butter is an everyday phase

taking a break from pickpocketing to warm my bones with a hot drink

this is how many sides a circle has

even einstein’s marriage was relative. It consumed his life

Best responses to tweet about “mystery flight”